Confidence in dance through body language

Many of us find that dance really brings to light the confidence that we might lack.

This could be dancing socially where we worry what our partner might think or when we dance in front of others and worry what the audience or judge thinks.

The worst thing about a lack of confidence in dance is that it can affect the way you dance…negatively.

This can then do even more harm to our confidence, and we spiral down into a state of low confidence and an inability to dance as well as we actually could or want to.

Body Language Dance and Confidence

Fortunately, body language and confidence is a two-way street.

Just as a lack of confidence causes corresponding body language, an effort to display positive body language can make us feel more confident.

This is even more so in dance because a lot of partner dance actually relies on displays of positive body movement associated with confidence to look good and by understanding the nature of this body language, you can put the effort into showing it in your dance.

This will make your dance look better and make you feel better.

We will first cover the basics of body language and displays of confidence and then use this to explain what you should focus on in your dance to have the effect of confidence.

What is Confident Body Language

It is open – that is there is a greater exposure of the vulnerable parts of the body such as the upper ribs, the stomach, the front of the pelvis and the inside of the arms. It has more lift – that means that the body is more inclined to defy gravity or extend itself.
The body is upright, toes might be lifted off the ground, the head will be high, or thumbs are extended more.

If you stop and think about the kinds of comments that you get from your dance instructor, then you will probably be able to remember some times when they mention issues that were the opposite of what was mentioned above.

You might have been closed around the chest, your arms were not up enough or maybe your head was not high enough.

This shows how much dance relies on the display of body language that communicates confidence.

Bringing Confident Body Language into your Partner Dancing

There are two ways you can use this to improve your confidence in partner dance:

Before you are to dance, put the effort into displaying confident body language. By simply ensuring you walk upright, with your chin up and without your arms trying to hug (and protect) your body, you will start to feel more confident. This is a bit like faking it until you make it.
When you are dancing be aware of the steps that have body gestures that correspond with confidence. Most often this is when arms need to come out. Many of us lacking in confidence will only partially extend our arms and have slightly bent elbows. By being aware of these steps, you can put a bit more conscious effort into ensuring you perform them with the correct amount of boldness and confidence that is required. Be mindful of your chest and shoulders too.

By putting a conscious effort into displaying confident body language your dance will look better, and you will begin to actually feel more confident too.

Body Awareness in Dancing

Thinking in dancing is a double-edged sword...on one hand, it helps us plan the next step and interpret what we learn in a lesson but, too much thinking can stifle our body’s natural movement!

You can tell if someone is dancing more in their mind than their body when their movements are stiff and robotic and they seem unaware of their partner, or the music.

Virtually all of us suffer from over-thinking sometimes but, we can counter it with the body awareness.

What is body awareness?

It is the ability to stay in the present, connected with the music and your partner; it also means that the mind goes silent, because usually, our thoughts are only occupied by the past or future.

Consider: Even if you are cursing yourself for a recent misstep, your attention is still directed into the past.

To dance on the cutting edge of NOW, we must remove most of our thought from dancing.

We all learned how to dance, spin, jump and roll as children but, as we grew older however, we lost touch with our bodies; we were trained to use our minds for everything – ‘look before you leap’, ‘don’t make assumptions’, ‘if you plan to learn, learn to plan’, and so on...

This doesn’t mean our minds aren’t an important tool in our day-to-day lives but when we start using it on the ever-changing dance floor, it only slows us down…the tool has overtaken the master!

Here’s just a few kinds of thinking that can distract us from a great social dance:

Thinking about a mistake
Anticipating or guessing at the next pattern
Thinking about the workday
Worrying about the opinions of others
Trying to remember our technique
Planning five or ten steps in advance
Internally judging your partner, or nearby dancers

To increase our body awareness, we need to start trusting our body’s instincts again.

Our body picks up on steps, technique and usually music too, a lot faster than our brain does…this is why we usually dance better when trying a pattern or dance style for the first time; we allow ourselves to instinctually feel our way through the motions, at least temporarily.

After a few repetitions however, our brain starts to reassert itself and our dancing suffers until we’ve learned to make it automatic once more.

"But how am I supposed to dance without thinking?" you might be wondering!

The answer is to build trust in our instincts and, to train our mind to avoid ‘clinging’ to the inevitable bumps, jolts, and missteps that occur.

For leaders, there may be brief flashes of thought as they decide on what to do next but even this is a spontaneous interaction with the body as the rest of our attention is directed on what we feel, in our connection with our partner and in expressing the music as it arrives.

For many, the addiction to thinking can be too powerful to break simply by recognizing the importance of body awareness but when you have body awareness, the only dance step that matters, is the one you are making right now!

Back-Leading: What is it and, how Leaders deal with it

Back-leading is likely the single biggest challenge leaders can expect from their partners on the dance floor, simply because it’s so difficult for followers to give up control over where they move.

It happens when a follower anticipates what the leader is going to do next and moves before they are led. It may also take the form of sudden resistance to a step they aren’t familiar with and while it might be tempting to engage in a tug-of-war with your partner for control of the dance, there are other (much more productive) ways a leader can respond.

1. Consider going with it

In some dances, like Argentine Tango and West Coast Swing, a follower can make ‘suggestions’ or even outright ‘hijack’ the movement. This is fine, as long as they don’t lead the majority of steps, and you can actually make the dance more fun by going along with it.

2. Avoid the step

Your partner may be trying to steer you away from moves they don’t know or might aggravate a past injury. If they seem to back-lead more on certain types of moves – dips for example, or multi-spins, you might want to just avoid those steps entirely.

3. Make sure you’ve balanced your partner properly

Your partner might be back-leading – or they might be trying to keep their balance. When you dance, shift your weight 100% from one foot to another on every step, and make sure your partner is doing the same.

4. Increase the assertiveness of your lead

Many followers fall into back-leading if they aren’t feeling enough lead themselves so, tighten up that frame, increase the pressure slightly, and make sure you never ‘leave your arms behind’ on any movement so they can move with your body, as one unit.

5. Gently let your partner know

If your partner is still not getting the message, you might need to tell them, delicately, that they need to wait for you.

This can range from a simple ‘would you mind waiting a bit longer for my lead?’ to the more risky but humorous ‘tell you what, you can lead the next one, what do you say?’

6. Have them close their eyes (Practice exercise)

If your partner is someone you practice with regularly, and the floor is not crowded, suggest they close their eyes while you dance. This forces them to rely completely on the pressure through your frame, instead of guessing the movement from what they see.

Stick with the patterns you know best while trying this – no dips!

7. Be creative! (For advanced dancers only)

This doesn’t work for everybody, I’ve found it to be a good way to teach your partner not to anticipate, if all else fails.

Look for places where they tend to back-lead, like a spot turn, then throw in a variation the next time you try it!

Make sure it still meshes with the movement and don’t sacrifice your technique.

Will they be surprised? Very likely.

Will they be more patient next time in case you try it again? Definitely!

5 Tips on How to Become a Better Leader at a Social Dance

Maybe you want more dances in an evening, or maybe you would just like more enjoyment of the dances you have. You could be wondering how to be more musical, or you could simply want to stay on time. No matter what, if you’re a leader on the dance floor, you would probably like to become a better one.

The following are things I’ve picked up or learned from others on how to be the best leader you can be…from when you first see a potential dance partner, right up until the music ends.

1. Ask…with confidence.

Many of us fear rejection so much that we sabotage ourselves before the dance even begins.

When looking to ask someone to dance, you may need to ‘trick’ your body into behaving more confidently than you feel:

• Imagine that you are the best dancer in the room and it’s their loss if they say no.

• Rehearse a simple phrase like “would you like to dance?” until you can say it automatically and confidently.

• Watch for the less experienced dancers and ask one of them first. This helps relax you and can boost your confidence so you can take on more advanced dancers later.

2. Plan ahead, and be assertive.

Many beginner leaders worry about being creative enough; they try to show off and usually end up awkwardly switching to a new step halfway through the current one. To avoid this, dance patterns you know well, while planning ahead for the occasional advanced step.

Remember that your partner would rather dance simple steps comfortably and safely than be jerked into patterns at the last second. Over time, you’ll find you can still plan ahead while dancing more and more difficult combinations.

3. Learn to smile.

What easier way to instil confidence in your partner, while conveying that you enjoy dancing and invite them to enjoy it with you? A smile, even if you have to plaster it on your face, instantly makes you less distant and scary-looking, and therefore more like someone worth dancing with. And as a bonus, studies have proven that even a fake smile creates a feeling of happiness, allowing you to dance better and shrug off mistakes faster.

4. Protect the partnership.

Another important role of the leader is that of protector on the dance floor.

To keep yourself and your partner safe from collisions, practice thinking like a car driver:

• Stay constantly aware of nearby couples, and try to anticipate and avoid problems early.

• Maintain a buffer of space (one metre if possible) between your partner and any other solid object.

• Look for openings between couples where you can merge with traffic.

• Guide your partner gently on and off the dance floor with a hand on her back.

5. Forgive mistakes - yours, and your partners.

No matter how hard you try, mistakes and missteps will happen on both sides.

When this happens, the best thing you can do is swallow your pride, smile, and perhaps offer a light hearted joke (‘don’t worry, we won’t have to amputate this time…’) Time spent berating yourself for a mistake is time you could have spent enjoying the dance, so move on!

Notice that none of these tips have anything to do with how good a dancer you are?

Focus on being a decent human being to your partner instead, and the dancing will come with time.

5 Tips on How to Become a Better Follower at a Social Dance

In the social dancing jungle, we all generally want the same thing: To score as many good dances as possible. Beginner followers will often display this by trying to ‘force’ a dance, by adding tons of styling, yanking themselves around the floor and generally ignoring the leader.

However, wise followers know that the best way to improve their dances – and the calibre of their leaders – is to practice paying more attention to the opposite end of the partnership.

The following tips will not only make the dance more fun for you, but for your partner as well.

1. When asked to dance, be polite.

Over the decades many articles have already talked about this…but here’s my 2 cents!

Accept any and all dances from beginners or advanced dancers, men or women, old or young.

Dance socials survive by ensuring that everyone has fun, and that means allowing everyone at least one dance.

HOWEVER, you do not have to accept a dance with someone who you believe will be inappropriate or harmful to you in any way; If they come knocking, let them know you are taking a break and give repeat-offenders a more direct “No Thanks!”

2. Put your partner first.

It’s like this: If you don’t want your house to become a pigsty, you and your romantic partner must work together to keep it clean. Likewise, you and your dance partner each have your roles to play, so that you can both have fun while putting forth the effort needed to sustain the partnership.

For a follower, this means paying attention to your leader and responding quickly, so they can lead you into more exciting moves.

After all, if you aren’t willing to work with your partner, why are you dancing with them in the first place?

3. Stay alert.

A follower who tenses up at a step she hasn’t seen before is in for a tough time at a social, where only the beginner dancers are predictable. The biggest challenge every follower faces; is being able to respond to the unknown as quickly as possible.

Two things have to work together to make this possible: muscle memory, and a blank mind.

Muscles gradually learn to react to the patterns of movement over time, so even if you weren’t prepared for a lead, you still react in the correct way.

Quieting the mind is just as important however, so it doesn’t interfere with what the muscles are doing. Practice meditation, put all your mind into the connection, distract it with math sums, whatever it takes.

4. Never hang on and, never let go.

What the heck does that mean???

Well, it’s the leader’s decision to create a connection (e.g., offering a hand) or to release it but a nervous follower can easily fall into the trap of ‘hanging on for dear life’.

Alternatively, they may be predicting the moment when they are supposed to take their hand back…and in doing so, they miss the cool move the leader was about to send their way!

5. Style, but make it compliment your partner.

For more experienced followers only!

If you want to add your own styling, you must first know it will not interfere with your leader.

For example, if the leader asks for a basic underarm turn by raising his left hand, you can likely add styling with your left hand on the turn until you face him again.

Other forms of styling – body rolls, shaping, syncopated taps and flicks – have specific places where they can be executed without smacking someone’s butt by accident.

Stay alert for the unexpected however as a less experienced leader may give you less ‘room’ for styling than others.

Trust & Care

Trust and care are two important concepts that frequently come up in conversations about partnering yet, when asked to articulate the difference, language often falls short.

From minor bickering and missteps to major conflicts and even injuries, labelling trust and care as merely abstract principles can have harmful consequences.

1. Trust is not always a good thing.

When we think critically about partnerships, we may sometimes recognize that trust can be blind.

The results of blind trust can be incredibly beautiful when successful—like in trust falls; we experience the rush of not knowing and the relief in being caught…but, the boundaries are something everyone must agree to in advance; specifically, because the one blindly trusting is taking on a more passive role than the ones catching.

For choreography that relies on active participation from all dancers involved, blind trust is a major obstacle because we miss out on paying attention to key factors like timing, musicality, and even accidental missteps.

When one partner blindly trusts that the other will be on beat, they often stop tracking movement, and this can interfere with synchronization and coordination.

If a dancer blindly trusts that the orchestra will play live like they do on the recording, the dancer will stop listening to the music.

If partners blindly trust each other that everything will go well, then minor missteps can lead to major injuries.

While trust is certainly a key component of partnering, it is important to identify when it is blind and one way to do so is to begin rehearsal with basic weight-shifting and weight-sharing exercises, which can help partners calibrate to each other even if they have danced together many times before.

2. Everything you do matters, no matter what you do!

As dancers, we often have to balance care for a number of different things at the same time.

Care for our partners; care for the execution of movement; care for musicality and timing; care for our bodies; care for our audience, to name just a few.

Caring for the partnership accounts for more than just caring for one’s partner and if we try to make movement easier for each other, we may end up trying to do things on our own.

By holding back or taking on too much, we place ourselves and our partners at risk.

A challenging aspect of care is that it refers to both an attitude and an action and we need to practice effective strategies for expressing care through our actions.

When we let our frustration overtake our care for others and ourselves, or our care for subtle timing, execution or our audience, we are essentially practicing a lack of care yet ironically, frustration is also a demonstration of care —if we didn’t care so much, we wouldn’t get so frustrated!

There are many simple ways to practice care to calibrate our attitudes and our behaviour.

For example, when getting dressed, folding or rolling up clothing is a simple way to practice care and the more we can appreciate small, subtle actions, the more practice we have to make care permanent.

3. Be prepared for anything.

On the surface, this statement is also fairly obvious, but many times dancers often prepare for the worst…and when we expect bad things to happen, we start to focus on the errors and mistakes which can lead to assigning blame to ourselves or others.

By preparing for the worst, trust and care both go out the window.

To be prepared for anything means being alert and grounded, adjusting to circumstances fluidly and setting aside expectations, assumptions and biases.

To be prepared for anything is to be in dialogue with ourselves, our partners and the conditions in which we rehearse and perform.

There are many simple ways to prepare for the unexpected.

By practicing the same movement at different speeds; wearing slippery socks, barefoot and in shoes, we can start to get a grasp for the way our bodies react to change.

Improvisation is also a great way to practice being prepared for anything…as long as we continue to surprise ourselves too!